When it came to why I was having a problem is the perfectionist in me. The one who thought that my portfolio had to be so good that it would get an "A". This is totally silly because I was not going to be graded on it. The portfolio was simply a way to show others that I am progressing as a teacher. This helped me to choose the method of how I wished to present my portfolio. What I ended up doing is revamping my website.
At first, I thought that it would be a simple thing to do. It was simple but very time-consuming. Okay, I could have just added some bits and pieces and called it good, but there again, the perfectionist in me had to have the website nearly perfect. Argh! Why do I do that to myself!? Not sure, perhaps it is how I grew up or how I was taught. I do not know, but trying to be perfect is annoying. It sometimes causes me to not do anything. My thinking is that if I can't be perfect at such and such then why do it. There are times when it is so bad that I am paralyzed by that thinking I have to be perfect. It has caused panic attacks and other illnesses. I have lost days from all this nonsense. I can't get those days back. However, I can start each day with the knowledge that no matter what I am perfect just the way I am. That mistakes are learning moments.
I have to move forward in my thinking. Move towards the best that I can be and not judge myself by what others think. Be grateful for the knowledge that if my feet touch the floor every morning when I am blessed with another day. Another day to do what I am meant to do and what I wish to do. I will be perfect when I leave this world and go to the next. For now, I must not let that perfectionist demon ruin another day.
Be well, be happy, my friends!
